Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
