addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
