By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
