i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
