New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
