Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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