Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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