So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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