we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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