So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
