I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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