Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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