I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
