I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
