you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
