before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
