Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
