Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
