piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
