Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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