theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
