We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
