I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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