I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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