When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
