So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
