just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
