I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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