I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
