There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
