I accidentally had phone sex last night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
