but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
