well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
