I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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