also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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