Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
