sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
