well you can't waste a boner
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
