blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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