he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
