and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
