I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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