i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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