Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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