Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
