You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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