she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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