I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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