I'm going to jail i love you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
