Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
