so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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