If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
