this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
