I want to walk on stilts...naked
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
