uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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