Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize