He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
