Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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