i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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