so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
