I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
