i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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