she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
