You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
