...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
