Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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